Underwhelmed…

Good morning to all of you good folk 😊🙏💕 So it’s 8:30 Thursday morning and I’m feeling somewhat underwhelmed, it’s just the beginning of another day that will probably be wasted sat around in the house.

It’s not that I’m saying that I think all of my time sitting around at home is a waste, definitely not, due to my ailments I know I need my rest and recuperation but when I don’t get out and do things then just what am I resting and recuperating from ?? Also I like to have some quiet contemplative time, it helps me work through things and clear my mind, it’s also a form of self love, just chilling and relaxing 😌

But when it’s all just sitting around at home then surely it becomes wasteful, I rarely get out of the house, even when the weather is glorious, which it isn’t just at this moment, it’s grey and damp, but even when it is glorious I usually don’t go outside…

I suppose my lack of recognisable sleep pattern doesn’t help, yesterday I was up at 4:00am in the morning and then slept at a couple of points during the day, today I got up at a more conventional time, around 7:30 am. My waking up and getting up times can vary wildly from 3:00 in the morning to 2:00 in the afternoon, although it’s normally somewhere a little more middle’ish than that but still way out of whack 😒 Not sleeping at night, and yes I do have some sleepless nights, causes me to sleep during the day, but of course sleeping during the day causes me to not sleep at night, a kind of slumbery vicious circle 😴

I sometimes wonder if I will ever get a regular sleep pattern, and does it even matter ? Is when you get the sleep important, at night or during the day, or if you get it in one go or split into two or three sleep sessions during the night and day, what do you think dear reader ???

I think a lot of this stems back many years to my dark days of deep depression and anxiety when the day’s and night’s all merged into one, when time and sleep didn’t seem to matter at all, I just slept when I felt I needed it. Of course one of the symptoms of depression is tiredness and sleepiness so I guess that explains a lot.

But although I can still have little bouts of depression or anxiety I am no longer that same poor broken person, I am stronger now, brighter and more myself. So why the inability to get out and about, I just don’t know.

I seem to have an insidious form of apathy, I want to go out and have fun, take photos, meet people, see things, enjoy the world, I just have enormous trouble actually doing it, I put it off, I can’t be bothered !!!

Okay I’m going to end this post now because I’m beginning to depress myself, oh the irony, anyway folks, please Be Well, Be Safe, Be Happy 😊🙏💕

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